Confessions part 23

(Continued O: )
I walked back to my bed; i wanted to unpack the thing to find out if it was what i thought it was... But I was afraid to find out.
"God damn" I whispered, I was too curious to not unpack it.
I sat down on the bed, and started to wrap the remaining paper of.
I could see a silver colour glimpse.
I took it out, and held it in my hand.
A gun.
A motherfucking gun.
She have me a gun, moms don't usually give guns to their unknown kids.
I just held it in front of my face to look at it.
It defiantly looked real.
I saw a little cross hanging down from it, I looked close at to see that there was engraved "Christiane Keehl" on the cross.
…
What if this thing were loaded???
I tried to somehow open the thing.
"Goddamn!" I murmured.
Suddenly I got the back of it pulled backwards so it opened.
"Oh fuck"
I saw the bullets sitting in it, ready to shoot.
What was I gonna do with this thing???
It's deadly dangerous to keep here.
How quickly I could point this at someone, pull the trigger and then they were dead…
The thought was scary. Just to take another persons life that fast.
I thought I was going to die when I heard someone trying to open the door.
"Mells?" … Matt.
What hell were I gonna do?? What the hell am I going to say???
"You in there Mells??"
I could tell him the truth… just not about the gun.
I quickly took the gun, opened my drawer next to my bed and laid it down there. He doesn't ever look in it anyway.
"Yeah" I answered with a low voice.
"What happened? Why is your door locked?"
I just slowly walked over to the door and unlocked it.
I opened the door, got Matt inside and locked it again.
He looked at me, almost panicking.
"What's wrong? What are all these things? Why've you been crying??"
"Calm dawn Matt" I said, trying to sound calm.
"I…I just…. It's….." I couldn't really say what I wanted, so I just took the letter from the bed and gave it to Matt, and from that he would probably figure it out.
I couldn't keep it a secret, and I didn't want to lie to Matt either.
I could see how his eyes flickered over the paper.
While he read it I sat down on the bed.
Suddenly he stopped reading.
"Your mom???" He asked.
"And she's dead" I said, and I couldn't help it anymore, so started crying.
"But Mello…" Matt sat down and wrapped his arms around me.
I just kept crying. Tears streaming down my cheeks.
"Calm down Mello, calm down…" He kept saying with a low voice.
"I just…. Can't…."  I sniffed.
"Don't cry Mello"
I could feel a few tears hitting me.
"…Why're you crying Matt…?" I asked with a low voice.
"Whenever you're happy, I'm happy. Whenever you're sad, I'm sad. Whenever you cry, I cry too. If you died… I would die too."
…
"So please don't cry" He said and looked at me.
"…or die" He said and a smile appeared on his lips.
I giggled a little.
"Here" He said, and took the rosary up, and putted it over my head.
"I think your mom would be happy of you were it"
I smiled, and kissed his lips, as he kissed me.
"You really got a lot of money, what are you gonna use them for?"
"I really don't know right now"
"I could use them for you?" Matt said and smiled at me. I just laughed a little at him.
"Shut up Matt" I said with a smile on my face.
"Now you look like hell, Mells" He said and started wiping my tears away.
I just slowly took his arms down.
"Why did you even get all this stuff?" he asked me.
"I got it from L, he said that it was left when me when I came here, but it should be given to me when I was old enough. So he thought I was old enough now or something."
"…we still need to do something about all that paper…" Matt said and looked at the paper tossed all over the bed.
"Why was there even so much paper in there?"
"Uhmmm… I don't know, it wasn't me who made it"
"True enough…"  Phew, no need to think about the gun, he wasn't even suspicious.


(End of part 23)